*Disclaimer- for some reason, this post was much more difficult and took me a disproportionately long time to write compared to the others, so please bear with me if there are sentences or thoughts that seem scattered or don't make sense!*
Well folks, here we are. I am now officially one month into my study abroad experience. Hard to believe, right? Sometimes it feels like only yesterday I was completely spazzing about leaving America, yet there are other times that I feel like I've been living in little old Hua Mak for forever. So, what are my thoughts about my first month in Thailand, you ask? Let me try to verbalize this last month for you.
When I tried to write this blog post the first time around, I really wasn't sure what to say. I didn't feel that I had this incredible life-altering, earth-shattering experience through living abroad yet (because clearly I was expecting to step off the plane in Bangkok and boom- instantly become a new and improved, more worldly and enlightened version of myself). I have to admit- I thought that by now, I would be feeling challenged and pushed to the limits of my comfort zone. I really hadn't felt that too much in the past month, and I was starting to think that maybe I was failing this little study abroad experiment. Was I wasting this incredible opportunity? Would I ever have the same life-changing experience that others have had in Thailand? After a skype conversation with my Dad, however, my opinion changed somewhat.
He told me that there doesn't necessarily have to be the aha moment that I've been looking for. The little things I experience every day in my life here are all changing me bit by bit. Have I had this eye-opening, life-changing moment or experience yet that totally rocked my previous worldview? No, not yet. But does that mean I'm not constantly changing and growing while I'm here? Absolutely not. I can feel myself transforming, little by little, every day I am here.
There are a few things here in Thailand that have definitely taught me a lot over the past month.
1. Living under a monarchy. This has probably been one of the most influential aspects of living in Thailand that I have encountered thus far. The Thai people LOVE their king. When I say love, I mean it- and so do they. Just driving around Bangkok, you can see it. Every other building has a giant portrait of the King and Queen. It's just a completely different way of thinking than that of Americans and the American government. It is difficult to explain, but it has honestly opened my eyes to a totally new way of living I knew nothing about.
2. Not being able to speak Thai. For some reason, before coming here I had zero concerns about not being able to speak Thai. The language barrier was one of the last things on my mind. However, being here and not being able to understand 99.9% of what is said here certainly has been a bit of a challenge. One friend on the trip put it perfectly when she said that this is what it must feel like to be completely illiterate at home. It is very strange to not be able to read a single sign around you. My lack of Thai-speaking skills has also forced me to learn more about human communication. It's amazing to me that I've even made it a month speaking only 5-6 Thai phrases. This is proof that even without the spoken language, people can still make connections with each other and get a point across. Pretty amazing stuff, if you ask me.
3. Being on my own. This is fairly self explanatory. Being on your own (like when going to college) is one thing, but to be self-reliant on the other side of the planet, away from everything you know and love is a whole different ball game. I am by no means good at this yet, but I am working on it every day.
Another thing I can say for sure is that I have become a much more relaxed person. This seems counterintuitive (at least to me it does) because how could moving to the other side of the world to a city where you don't speak the language or know anything at all possibly be relaxing? Believe it or not, it is. I'm not sure what it is- haven't been able to place my finger on it just yet- but amidst the chaos of Bangkok, I'm starting to find a sense of inner peace, I think.
A friend told me recently, "Whatever expectations you have about this trip, just get rid of them. Just let things happen." And that's exactly what I'm trying to do.
"When you're happy like a fool, let it take you over.
When everything is out, you gotta take it in.
Oh, this has gotta be the good life..."
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